Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
