A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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