i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
