careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
