so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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