Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
