These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
