I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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