i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We got so high we made milksteak
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
