we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
