she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
