playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
