I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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