So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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