This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
is this the sara with the beer cane?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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