party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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