so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
