after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
