and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
