i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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