Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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