I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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