Having a random hookup so left but love u
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize