I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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