I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
