you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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