I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
