I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize