Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
