We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize