yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
