Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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