You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
