Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
