ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
