You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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