Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
