Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
