Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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