I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
