Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
