Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
