I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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