If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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