we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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