The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
