I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
