its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
