he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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