I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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