So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
