The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
