Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
