I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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