Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
