Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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