I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
