I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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