i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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