I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
