I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize