you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
