His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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