There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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