She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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