1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize