I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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