I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
