You smell like a Billy Joel song
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
