I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
