Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
