who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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